Thursday, March 5, 2015

Nadaaaaa, I have a question please.

Teaching is a tricky thing. Teaching is dangerous. You might plant an idea in someone’s head and be responsible for it growing or even just staying there forever. Just like inception. Ok, maybe not that much. But teaching is a responsibility, a big huge responsibility. If this idea is so much as slightly wrong, you’re screwed; you helped grow a generation of idiots. The beautiful thing is that I never felt the weight of this responsibility. It came naturally. It made sense, it made sense to do it right, to do it meticulously, no errors, and no mistakes.

But we all make mistakes and errors even if there is no room for it. And that exactly is what is beautiful about it. I am learning alongside my students. We are thinking together, trying to solve problems together, looking for the ultimate solution. Experimenting to see what fits this certain problem best.

Talking a little bit about my students. I developed a great relationship with my students that is built on mutual respect, humour and even sometimes friendship, which made this all the more easier to do. I respect them so much, I respect them for being patient with me, I respect them for respecting me, for listening to me and not doubting me and my skills. Because of them I have confidence in what I do, because of them my margin of error is so much smaller than it used to be, because of them I am perfecting what I am doing. For their sake I’m doing my job more than 100%, because I know that later, when they’re old, and sitting on a desk like me now, they will remember who screwed them over, and who helped them get through tough times, who understood them and who didn’t bother to listen. I want them to remember me as someone who was there, who helped them, who made a difference, I want them to learn from my mistakes and even be better than me.

Which is why teaching is tricky, it’s why it’s dangerous. You either make it or break it. They’ll either hate you, not respect you, or they’ll love you and listen to every word you say and then, at this moment, you will have complete access to make an impact. Then you have access to the dangerous part of it all. How you choose to play with their brain is then up to you. To make them smart, creative and up to the task, or help grow an epitome of stupid-ness, laziness and not-so-ready-to-produce-anything type of people.

You either make it or break it.

Sunday, February 22, 2015

Me revoilà!

I had promised myself for a long time since I ever started writing, that whenever I’m going through a tough time, or a dark patch in my life that I wouldn’t write about it. Something in me didn’t want to make these moments more alive than they were in my head.

As time progressed, it was impossible to keep all the dark thoughts in, it made it so hard to see into the good things I had saved for later, it progressed and progressed, till I had nothing to write about anymore. Nothing was interesting, nothing came out right, and it all came out dark.

It’s been 2 years since I’ve posted anything in here, but don’t be fooled. I haven’t stopped writing for a minute; I just thought to keep my dark thoughts to myself.

I would write and write and write and I would do it with pen and paper, so I can feel every word slip out of the tip of my fingers into the paper, so I can feel relieved of the crazy shit going in my brain. I wrote it all and I promised never to get back to it again.

But as the time went by I realized how much I missed writing, how good it made me feel to post all the was going on with me, how connected it made me feel to those who were trying so hard to understand me, this was my communication platform.

However, at times I yearned to be disconnected to be misunderstood. I kept it all to myself, I had the absolute belief that no matter how hard I tried nobody would understand the struggle happening inside of me, so why bother?
And this has been the most right thought that ever crossed my brain. And it was ok. It was ok not to be understood. Because why should anyone demand to be understood by everyone. It made me like the complexity of my character, and it made me feel alone, the good special kind of alone.  

Nevertheless, I still felt like I wanted to write, I still felt like I wanted to share even if nobody understood. It was like speaking a language nobody knew. Interesting to listen to but it made absolutely no sense.

So the news, I’ll be back to blogging, I’m even hoping to find me a writing job. So, fingers crossed.And next week I’m posting about my experience in teaching in my university.


Friday, May 24, 2013

Transparent Mystery

I got charmingly lost in the lines of writing this new piece. All I know is I haven’t written anything in a while, doing injustice to my dying writing talent.  Not sure if I even have it in me anymore. Nevertheless, I enjoyed it and hope you do too. 

Heart detained mind with one motion
The sway of a dress made everything at ease
It fell for this restless soul against notion
The untroubled mind no longer rests in peace

To the love was thought dead
After a violent race with the mind
Cheeks pumped up with cherry red
The look of persistence that cannot divide
To the sight of beauty ahead
The love was reborn, regenerated

Heartbeats racing
Like shots of hard liquor
Reaching the mind
And for the mind it’s chasing
With that thought to bicker
For the love it left behind

Collision of the souls
Was but a fragment
Leaving hearts un-whole
Left to torment

There is not but a good end
To the un-tuned red cheeks
The pain; she had to contend
And of this love
She shall not speak

NM. 24/5/2013 

Tuesday, December 4, 2012


She plays with her curls while she thinks
Straying in thoughts, no blinks
Staring into the horizon having a twinkle
Frozen particles in space started to sprinkle.

You’d see her staring her eyes, maroon
Those particles had her in a cocoon
She never leaves her curls alone
The streaming line of thoughts like Rhone.*

In front of her eyes, she followed the particles
She thought, what’d it be if we were those little sparkles
How life would be just floating in the air
Never caring if there’s someone there.

We’d hide in the dark
Learn to dim our spark
Entering the room like a light from a gun
We’d rise with and be reborn by the sun.

We’d die everyday but gladly go
Knowing that each day has a new glow
Knowing that when we enter the room
We’d light up someone’s world,
And kill the gloom.

The pretty curled girl shook her head
What a wild thought and how fast it spread
She had only one other thought
How life was like that particle she sought.

We wake up everyday with the shining light
Going to bed knowing we’d die tonight
Yet we hope when we wake up the next day
We’d change someone’s life if that were okay.

A touch of life through the smile we give
Helps someone else for one more day to live
So then when we go and see the light
We’d know we have blessed someone tonight.

*The Rhone is one of the major rivers of Europe, rising in Switzerland and running from there through southeastern France.

Saturday, September 8, 2012

Learning the "Dances of Life" with Coucla Refaat.

It’s not everyday that you meet someone like the lovely person this article is about. I have the utmost pleasure to be writing about her right now. But hey, without her coming into my life at this point, I wouldn’t have written anything anytime soon.

She’s not just a lovely person, but quite a wonderful one in every sense of the word. The first time I met Coucla, I couldn’t help but notice the similarities in our characters only she is a woman pursuing her dream and im yet to follow in her amazing footsteps.

Coucla is a professional photographer and she had just finished publishing her first book “ Dances of Life” and wanted me to help her out in the opening of her exhibition about “Thailand” and the book.

I watched her enter the gallery gracefully wearing her pretty purple dress in the opening, a confident young woman, proud of her not-so-easy journey to Thailand, documenting the country with her amazing photos. I watched how everyday people came in the gallery and they were mind blown by how this young lady chose to see things differently. I watched people come all the way from Tanta and other far places, just to see her unique work. I couldn’t help but be inspired and proud that I had the opportunity to participate in such an important event in Coucla’s life.

Everyday I’ve spent in the gallery, Coucla taught me something new and bit by bit I felt like I was gaining what was more than a friend... A sister. With her amazing family and friends embracing me soo fast, I already felt like I was part of this amazing group/ family.  

Coucla, I want to thank you for everything, I want to thank fate and Islam Al Masry for introducing us to each other, thank you for being the lovely person that you are. It has been a pleasure working with you. I have to say, I feel like I’ve known you more than just 1 month, and I am very proud of you and your work sis and wish you the best of luck in future work where I will hopefully be by your side :)

And yes Omar this means Nadia forgives you for messing with her name ;)

More about Coucla Refaat :

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Mer Noire

It was a dark night, she couldn’t even see her finger but she could feel the wind lingering on her skin. The sea was dark and cold, just like she always imagined it. She loved being by its side listening to the waves crash by the sand without seeing it. The sound put her heart and mind at ease.

She did finally find the moment where she could really be free of thought; the thoughts that poisoned her being. Every poisonous thought came out with a big long sigh. She really did have a lot on her mind.

She wanted to get out of here, away from her friends and family and everyone she knew. She wanted to walk in the street and not meet anyone she knew, she just wanted to observe life silently and write. She looked around for creativity from nature and the greenery that surrounded her. At least that’s the way she imagined the place she was going. “Where was I going anyway?” she thought.

She didn’t know, she only wanted peace and quiet. People were deceptive and obnoxious she couldn’t stand it anymore. It’s like her body was here but her mind wasn’t, somewhere where no one can tell her what to think or how to be, away from all the problems and the drama in the daily hectic energy drainers called days. After a while even home didn’t feel like home anymore. She goes and locks herself up in her room, in her own world till she could get a chance to be free. At night she’d dream she was trapped and the only way to get to the other side was to face her worst fears, whatever they were.

Why is life soo complicated with each passing minute, with each given breath? It gets harder and harder to grasp on to, that at some point letting go is just soo much easier. She remembered when she was a kid she used to sit up with her best friend and make up stories about their neighbors imagining one fat guy as Santa Claus, or the lady who had a very loud voice to be the mean witch. It was all about imagination and that’s it. Now, her brain was full of thoughts that weighed through her head, she couldn’t even remember a good story to re-tell herself. There was no more imagination or creativity passing through her mind. Each time she held her pen, she’d spend an hour staring at the white paper, afraid to write, afraid to lay all these dark thoughts on paper, terrified that those dark thoughts may take her down the road of depression. Then she’d say, will write later, maybe on a happy day, one happy thought. The happy thoughts were soo little soo small that she used to write them as small notes and hang them up her mirror to be able to see them every morning and start her new day.

Suddenly a wave of cold breeze touched her bare skin giving her Goosebumps, she thought it maybe a way of life agreeing to what’s on her mind right now. She was amazed how her line of thoughts took her down that road. Yet, she was pleased that for once she was able to think clearly, think things through. And more than anything in the world she wished to stay where she was, but she knew in her heart that at any moment she had to get back to her reality.

Why can’t I just run away; she thought. Why can’t I just walk towards the dark water, for once in my life not being able to see with my eyes, but knowing that wherever I’m going is better than where I am right now. Thoughts couldn’t help but come out. After all, she felt trapped, so any chance she got to let it out, she took that chance and embraced it.

She thought why not make new happy thoughts. Like this moment for example, this is a happy moment, she was sitting on the beach at night all alone, having time to think, not being told what to do.  Yet, it wasn’t about the beach, being alone or being able to think, it was about the personal space she couldn’t find anymore. She had done this to herself; she thought she let others linger into her mind with their disgusting habits affecting everything about her being. Why would she ever let that happen? She didn’t know. All she was sure about was that she’s in soo deep, she didn’t know how to get back on the surface. She simply needed to find herself again.

Floating. Even our body floats in the water, our heavy heavy body. Then why can’t our minds float up high, higher than our bodies, higher and free of gravity, of restrains? Because us and only us, frame ourselves in the bodies we were created in. No book says we shouldn’t let our souls wonder freely, even God asked us to do that, he asked us to wonder about life and our existence, yet we are soo sucked into the black holes in our life’s, blinded by our dippy habits.

She took a long breath; she felt the air sliding through her throat into her lungs with relief. Maybe someday, everyday she’d be able to breathe like this.

She got up, she left everything behind and headed towards the dark black sea, she didn’t know what was waiting there, but she knew that if she didn’t take this risk, just this once, she’ll go crazy anytime soon.


Tuesday, July 10, 2012


That morning I woke up feeling worse than ever, I didn’t sleep well and what made that worse is that I knew that the journey that lied ahead of me was a very tiring one. This was no picnic.After hours of waiting for the bus, it finally arrived and all I could think of is I just need my music and sleep. As we dug deep through the road, the greenery started to emerge and suddenly my mobile network was calling for SOS, at this moment all I was thinking about was how will I reach everyone when I’m there cause I am definitely going to be bored.

After half an hour of going deeper in the road we finally arrived to DDC, first feeling was the burning sun on my skin and the stinging flies. Moment by moment my expectations were being confirmed.A guy was calling “show them their rooms”,  “Finally, A room, conditioner, shade and rest” I thought. My thought was disturbed by “Put your bags and come back at 1 to the lecture hall” said Hafez which was 15 minutes from now.

“Nada El Meniawy and Sara Mahdi” called someone from the PEO, I was delighted by the idea because Sara Mahdi is that delightful person you want to be in the room with. We both chose a room upstairs; we stood by the door for a second trying to understand what have we gotten ourselves into.

There was no air conditioner, the room was actually hotter than outside and everything about this room implied that we were going to be eaten by mosqitos at night. We entered and closed the door I started fixing up my bed, because all I wanted was to sleep. While Sara kept staring aimlessly at the room trying to figure out how she’s going to live here for the next 4 days. I just couldn’t keep my laugh to myself when I saw the horror on her face, I told her it’s going to be fine just get some sleep.

So the detailed story stops here, now you get the impression that this should’ve been called camp torture. But believe me when I tell you that those were the best 4 days in this summer. The day we were leaving it felt like leaving my second family. These amazing people that I shared a place with for 4 days, I learned from them and they influenced my life a lot.

If it was either in the kitchen when we worked as a team we were determined to have fun though all the process. In our so-called morning runs; where I could feel the water from the grass on embracing my feet, the feeling of nature. Maybe it was the session we took outside in this forest like heaven, or was it the trip to the orange and grape fields. Maybe it was the teamwork in learning how to make “wara2 el 3enab”, or the fire ignited in the middle of the camp and we were all circling it or the movie night that we all chose a movie we didn’t want to see. Was it the one-one talks we had with each other, or the amazing sessions that helped us develop soo much. It was surely that treasure hunt we did in the last day and the amazing food we ate at “balba3”.

If I want to write about all of this in details it would take me forever to describe the amazing things we did and how it felt, but I will leave it open because I am sure each and everyone of us made his own experience and has his own shared memories with everyone. I think the camp was all the above but it was mainly the people and the experience and how we worked hard to get the best out of it.

I can’t thank you all enough for what you gave me and mostly I want to thank my partner Sara Mahdi for pushing me forward through this camp and being a great listener. Thank you Hafez, thank you PEO, thank you EB, thank you AIESEC GUC, and thank you all you amazing loving people. Most importantly thank you for inspiring me to start writing again.

By the last day, I recalled the first day where the sun was striking and the flies were impossible to stand, it didn’t bother me anymore, I could only feel the breeze of energy roaming the place and not wanting to leave. My room which was hell became my sanctuary when the day got harder and my negative spirit was replaced by a very positive productive one. I remember saying “ I got used to the place, why are we leaving now!”.

I shall leave you with beautiful memories from this camp, remember the session, use them and develop. You’re all amazing LEADERS.

NEM. 10.07.2012