Sunday, August 29, 2010

Lost is what I am,Lost is where I shall be.

I’ve been very much lost lately, not knowing what I really want from life and what I really want to do about anything in my life, I even can’t find the strength to come and write an actual decent piece that would make me feel a little bit good about myself. I’m lost, I don’t know who to trust or who to talk to anymore, I don’t know how to answer the questions in my head. Everyone around me seems to be taken and busy in their own life, no time for others to enter. I’m trying to live with myself for a while, but it’s in my nature to be around people, I don’t like to be alone, but seems like it’s the only way right now.

I don’t know what to do or what to think or just how to act. And its only because that’s been one hell of an exhausting summer, my mind has not rested one moment, I don’t know if what happened is a good or bad thing, but I’m sure I’ve learned a really good lesson from it. A lesson that made me change all my aspects on life made me care less about some things and care more for other things.

One of the things I care more about is family. Family time has been really nice lately, since it’s Ramadan and it’s all about family gatherings and being together about 90% of the time. And this is something I really love about my life right now, having my family around me almost all the time, because we don’t get to have that all year.

And one of the things I seem to care less about is friends time. Friends time this summer has been the worst of all, I don’t get to see them at all, once a week if I’m lucky, no decent conversations anymore, a simple hi and bye on the little chatting box would do the trick for us, we don’t listen to music together, we don’t pose for pictures anymore, we rarely have lunch together and we barely talk on the phone.

But that’s hardly the case now, frustration seems to take over me every once in a while and I don’t know how to be happy anymore. What can I do to make me forget all the shit that’s going on in my head and go on with my life? I don’t know what to do and that is why I’m lost.

A dear friend told me “It comes and goes”, but this time this state came and it doesn’t want to go.

I was watching an episode from ‘The Vampire Diaries’ and these words just caught my attention, that’s exactly where I’m at.

“But it’s not that easy, the bad things stay with you. They follow you. You can’t escape them, as much as you want to. All you can do is be ready for the good, so when it comes, you’re invited in, because you need it. I need it.”

NM-29.8.2010

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