Wednesday, September 29, 2010

I Try To Make a Sound, But No One Hears Me.

Back again, it’s been quite a while since I’ve written down anything in here and that goes down to two reasons. Reason one, God only knows why I’ve been sick for about a month and it wasn’t really pleasant. Reason two, university. And I say the word carrying pure irritation towards it. Irritation because of the long classes, the lousy teachers, the annoying people, the long bus rides, the load of assignments and anything that has to be done in such a hot weather. Yet, being busy is much better than doing nothing at all, having to go out in the hot weather instead of staying in like a couch potato, busy yourself thinking of creative ideas for the new assignment instead of planting your face in front of a laptop screen searching through Facbook’s boring pages or watching a stupid You Tube video, enduring the lousy teachers and most important of all, giving hard time for annoying people you come across. So, on second thought, the word university should not carry a wave of irritation, more of a wave of work, open mind and spending time doing something useful. Thinking positively just supported all of the written above, but we don’t always have the ability to think in such a way, so I hope the next time I throw anything down here, it wont come in a negative energy that won’t help a bit.

That was academically speaking. On the other hand, emotionally, I’m pretty much exhausted. My mind is always busy with stuff I shouldn’t be thinking about, people who shouldn’t take that much space in my mind and problems my mind creates, that I can’t seem to find an answer for. I have truly changed and I don’t think any of the people close to me have noticed or understood that practically, and with that change came things I used to tolerate in the past that I can’t anymore, things I used to like that I don’t seem interested in now, things/people I loved whom I absolutely don’t care about anymore and others whom I used to neglect that seem to amuse me more now. Sometimes I get the feeling that no one understands me anymore, no one really gets it. Sometimes, I have to put on another face, someone -not me- just to be able to mingle with people normally. But, other times I can’t seem to do that and rather prefer to stay alone than have to change myself for people who don’t understand. It’s very rare now that I have a moment of the real me with other people, only the people I trust, only the ones I care about. Some would see that to be complicated, but I see it extremely clear and understood that I can really see the bigger picture that others have been trying to hide from their own selves.

But, I wake up everyday, I put on the happy face and go through with it cherishing the great moments, forgetting the bad ones and hoping for the best.

NM. 29.9.2010

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Ramdan the blessing, Eid is what follows.

9/9/2010

I can’t believe Ramadan ended in such a short time! It seems like it was just yesterday that I was writing about being excited Ramadan is coming!

Once again, Ramadan -like every year- brings out the great family gatherings, sitting together enjoying the food, laughing about the silly shows on the television, seeing relatives and just simply enjoying the Ramadan atmosphere.

It’s not till the end of Ramadan that I start realizing I actually don’t want the month to end. I don’t know what it is, it’s just something about Ramadan that’s soo comforting.

13/9/2010

Now that Ramadan is over, I must talk about Eid. Eid this year was different and weird. My dad went to work, we didn’t get the chance to travel and I haven’t had the chance to get together with my cousins.

Whereas, I should meet my cousins, eat biscuits, update my cousins about what’s been going on in my life and just basically have a good time with my family and relatives. Instead, I was actually really sick, I had stomachache, Jaw-ache, Headache and my whole body was weak.

Though I haven’t felt this year’s Eid at all, it was not really that bad. At least we got to go to Grandma, see my uncle and his cute baby Sue and eat some fish.

Now it’s just few days before University starts again, and am hoping with the new year, I could open a new page and have a fresh new start.

NM.

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Finding My Way.

I’ve been meaning to write this earlier, but I’ve been a little busy watching ‘The Vampire Diaries’, Woof! That thing is crazy! Finished the whole season in about 3 days.

I’ve been really excited to start university with all it’s craziness and assignments, also really excited for the subjects, it’s like suddenly I want to learn something for a change. As much as I don’t want summer to end, I think it’s time to go back to the normal life. 4 days left in Ramdan, 3 days for Eid, and about 4 days left in the summer vacation. Better make the best of those.

Anyway, last I wrote here was that I was lost and didn’t know what to do to change that fact. I’ve been thinking about that for a while now, and I think am ok with being lost, convinced that it is a state, believing that this state will actually change and hopefully not come back.

I’ve been working on a piece for a while now, trying to get to the core of my problem through it, and I think I have, and since I located my real problem, It’s safe to say I’ll be finding my way soon.

Here goes “Me and You

It ended in a blink

I had no time to think

Nothing to undo what's done

All we had was just gone.

Forgiveness was not the meal on a plate

It stays unforgiven till that date

I never knew it would end like this

I didn't get my goodbye kiss.

Change is just inevitable

We have to be forgettable

Of the memories and the past

Cause weak friendships just don't last.

They're like a broken glass,

Ours was the weakest

I though it was the deepest.

But now we're just away

There's nothing left to say

There's nothing left to do

There's no more me and you.

NM.6.9.2010