Saturday, December 11, 2010

Clean Slate

There’s no starting over, no such thing!

You don’t get to have two lives, you only have one and you make choices and these choices lead you somewhere, with some people and make you the person you are today, and by the time you are old enough to realize you made the wrong choices it’s too late. You don’t just forget about your past or find someway to erase it, it’s always there, with you, haunting you. You don’t get to move on and be all happy about it, or maybe you can, but how? Just, how?

Maybe, change your hair color, leave your home, leave the whole country, go study elsewhere, make new friends, try on new habits. You might as well kill yourself because you won’t be the same person anymore. So in the process of moving on you changed yourself completely, just to runaway from your past, or whatever it is you want to forget about.

This can’t be the solution. This can’t be it. Then freakin’ what?

I don’t know the answer to that, because if I knew, I wouldn’t be torn so much about it. I don’t believe in starting over, I wish I could start over, but I don’t want to change who I am today, to become someone I don’t know tomorrow.

I want to learn to cope with my choices and start over in what could be changed.Change the things for me, not change myself for the things.

NM. 11.12.2010

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