Tuesday, January 10, 2012

In The Dark of A Lonely Night

In the dark of a lonely night, the night had just started, it has been a long time since I last laid my head on a pillow. Last time I fell asleep was under the sun in the crowded university campus. The sun had found it's way in my skin filling it with warmth and sudden sensation of muscle relaxation. That was 12 hours ago, now the sun is in deep sleep an the night is still young, it's signaling the fact that I should be done wit my model by now, but frustration hasn't sunk in yet that wasting a minute writing this would cost me a minute of fixing my crappy design. Stealing a moment from reality and living in the dream was the best thing I could do now after endless and restless trials of trying to make my design work out. I had been really upset about the fact, that I haven't emptied my mind in a long time, I needed that quiet moment with myself Under the heater avoiding the cruciatious ( yes I just used vocabulary from harry potter ) posture of lying there in front of the laptop.

I used to leave everything behind and make time only for writing; I used to think I was meant to be a writer, but then came the contradiction of being a designer, all time and effort consumed in university, no energy for anything else. I used to think my biggest dream was writing a book, but everyday I meet someone who's better than me and then I ask myself, am I even ready? Will I forever be stuck at that dream? And I never find an answer because I leave all that behind and concentrate on being a designer thinking that that might be the better option for me.

Time has influenced a lot of the decision I take in my life and a lot of the things I do, theirs is never enough of it when you need it, yet all the time when you don’t. I wrote this from my iPod because the minute I touch my laptop I will be intrigued to go back to work and stop writing.

The night had turned to day when the sun had found it's way through the cloudy sky, a ray of sun crippled into my room lighting up what was left in the dark last night, giving hope and promise of a new shiny day. Had I opened my eyes to that, it might have been a beautiful morning, but the sound of the alarm was the only thing capable of opening up those puffy sleep deprived eyes of mine. I sat there in bed wondering why I should get up get dressed an go to university, was it really worth it to get up and fight for another day? I finally decided it was worth it; I didn't come soo far to give up now. It has been another 15 hours since I last saw my bed or felt a hint of comfort. Every inch in my body aches, yet none of all this effort is ever enough. It's 1:25 am and yet another night of an endless battle lies ahead of me.



NM.10-11/1/2011

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