I had promised myself for a long time since I ever started writing, that whenever I’m going through a tough time, or a dark patch in my life that I wouldn’t write about it. Something in me didn’t want to make these moments more alive than they were in my head.
As time progressed, it was impossible to keep all the dark thoughts in, it made it so hard to see into the good things I had saved for later, it progressed and progressed, till I had nothing to write about anymore. Nothing was interesting, nothing came out right, and it all came out dark.
It’s been 2 years since I’ve posted anything in here, but don’t be fooled. I haven’t stopped writing for a minute; I just thought to keep my dark thoughts to myself.
I would write and write and write and I would do it with pen and paper, so I can feel every word slip out of the tip of my fingers into the paper, so I can feel relieved of the crazy shit going in my brain. I wrote it all and I promised never to get back to it again.
But as the time went by I realized how much I missed writing, how good it made me feel to post all the was going on with me, how connected it made me feel to those who were trying so hard to understand me, this was my communication platform.
However, at times I yearned to be disconnected to be misunderstood. I kept it all to myself, I had the absolute belief that no matter how hard I tried nobody would understand the struggle happening inside of me, so why bother?
And this has been the most right thought that ever crossed my brain. And it was ok. It was ok not to be understood. Because why should anyone demand to be understood by everyone. It made me like the complexity of my character, and it made me feel alone, the good special kind of alone.
Nevertheless, I still felt like I wanted to write, I still felt like I wanted to share even if nobody understood. It was like speaking a language nobody knew. Interesting to listen to but it made absolutely no sense.
So the news, I’ll be back to blogging, I’m even hoping to find me a writing job. So, fingers crossed.And next week I’m posting about my experience in teaching in my university.